The Gift of Listening: How to Be Present, Powerful, and Connected
In our whirlwind world, true listening feels like a forgotten art. We're bombarded with information, juggling priorities, and often itching to jump in with solutions. And yet, what I know (and deep down you do too) is that listening – especially deep, intentional listening – is the secret weapon busy leaders and professionals need.
In my work with leaders, I return time and time again to the work of Jennifer Garvey Berger, who sheds light on three types of listening that can hold us back. Did you know that we can listen in different ways?
- Listening to Fix: We hear a problem and instantly brainstorm solutions, potentially missing the root cause. (Leaders I work with often feel that this is what is expected of them and it has become their default way of listening.)
- Listening to Win: We listen for openings to contribute our ideas and expertise, prioritising our own voice over understanding what the other person is saying. (Again, Leaders may unconsciously or consciously believe that their perspective gives them the inside running on having the solution.)
- Listening to Learn: This is the superpower we're going for. It's about truly understanding the speaker's perspective, experiences, and emotions.
Why Listening to Learn Matters
Listening to learn goes beyond politeness. It unlocks a treasure chest of benefits:
- Stronger Relationships: When you listen deeply, you show genuine care and build trust with colleagues, clients, family, and friends.
- Improved Decision-Making: By understanding different viewpoints, you can make more informed choices.
- Enhanced Innovation: Listening to diverse perspectives sparks creativity and leads to better solutions.
- Reduced Conflict: When people feel heard and understood, disagreements become less personal and easier to navigate.
- Increased Productivity: Active listening saves time in the long run by preventing misunderstandings and miscommunications.
Ready to give it a go? Read on .....
Becoming a Listening Leader: Practical Tips
When listening to learn, what you do before and after the conversation can be just as important as what you do during the conversation. Here are some ideas below. Remember that there is no one recipe for having a fully engaged listening-to-learn conversation. Take the tips below as a guide, and do what feels right for you and the person/people you are conversing with.
Before the Conversation:
- Set the Stage: Find a quiet, distraction-free space and let the other person know you're dedicating your full attention.
- Put Away Distractions: Silence your phone and close unnecessary tabs on your computer.
- Prime Yourself to Listen: Take a few deep breaths to centre yourself and be present at the moment.
During the Conversation:
- Give Your Full Attention: Make eye contact and nod occasionally to show you're engaged.
- Ask Open-Ended Questions: Go beyond "yes" or "no" answers to encourage elaboration.
- Paraphrase and Summarize: Reflect back on what you've heard to ensure understanding.
- Avoid Interrupting: Let the speaker finish their thought before responding.
After the Conversation:
- Follow Up: If appropriate, send an email or text summarising key points or offering further support.
- Reflect on the Conversation: What did you learn? How can you apply this knowledge moving forward?
By incorporating these tips into your daily interactions, you'll become a more powerful listener, fostering stronger connections, improving your effectiveness, and ultimately living a happier, healthier life.
Stay tuned throughout August as I delve deeper into the art of listening . I'll be sharing additional tips, insights, and resources to help you harness the power of listening to learn.
In the meantime, I encourage you to reflect on your own listening habits. How can you become more present and engaged in your conversations? I'd love to hear you ideas and questions. Send them through below.