April:  Prevent Burnout and Stress with these two essential elements

The Empathy Edition

By Sue Johnston, LifeStar® Creator

In our busy lives, we often need to remember to take a pause and check in with ourselves. We're so focused on achieving and doing that we forget the importance of being kind to ourselves, understanding ourselves, and being patient. When it comes to being… you can’t go past empathy and self-compassion as two major superpowers.

I bet you know that exercising, eating healthy food, and having a good night's sleep help with stress management and health and wellness. How about empathy and self-compassion? Have you ever linked empathy and self-compassion with burnout prevention and personal wellbeing? They may seem like buzzwords, but in fact, they are life-changing practices that protect you from burnout and overwhelming stress. That’s why self-compassion is part of the care point of LifeStar practices, and empathy is part of Connect Point.

Connection and empathy go together – and they are life-changing

Empathy is about having a meaningful connection with someone. That may sound scary, wonderful, or a bit of both to you. So why bother? Well, we human beings are wired for connection. We thrive when we have meaningful relationships. In fact, the Harvard Study of Adult Development revealed that human connection is the most significant predictor of physical health, emotional wellbeing, and happiness.

We also know that social connections can lengthen our lives, strengthen our immune systems, and speed up recovery from disease. They are a protective factor that helps manage stress and improve emotional regulation skills. That's why I’m talking about empathy today—meaningful connections will help protect you from burnout and overwhelming stress.

The heart of empathy

Empathy helps us better understand what someone else is experiencing and reflect on our understanding. As illuminated by Dr. Brené Brown's research, empathy is an emotional skill—a tool of compassion. And that’s why it can feel scary for us – because we have to accept that being empathetic means we don't have the answer, we can't minimise or avoid what's happening for the other person, or let our discomfort shut things down. So, how do we practise empathy? Fortunately, nursing scholar Teresa Wiseman has helped us by identifying four attributes of empathy.

1. Perspective-taking: Exploring what the experience is like for the other person
2. Staying out of judgement: Listening to learn, rather than listening to fix or win.
3. Recognizing emotion: Returning to a time when we felt that emotion so we can understand and connect.
4. Communicating our understanding of that emotion: Letting the person know they are seen and understood.

We need to dispel the myth that empathy is ‘walking in someone else's shoes.’

"Rather than walking in your shoes, I need to learn how to listen to the story you tell me about what it’s like in your shoes and believe you even when it doesn't match my experiences."

Brené Brown

The Gentle Power of Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is an integral part of self-care. Self-compassion means treating yourself the same way you would a good friend who is having a hard time—if they failed at something, made a poor decision, or faced a tough life challenge. Self-compassion involves facing our failures, insecurities, and mistakes without deploying our inner critic and instead doing it with our inner ally.

A personal side note about self compassion… Six years ago I was training to become a certified facilitator of Brené Brown's work. During the training, I was introduced to the concept of self compassion and having an inner ally. I became very aware that my inner critic seemed to be in the driver's seat a lot of the time. The idea of having an inner ally was new to me and has become life changing.

"Learning to embrace yourself and your imperfections give you the resilience to thrive."

Kristin Neff

Having an attitude of self compassion is linked to greater wellbeing and performance outcomes. When you practice self compassion you are more likely to improve your performance after a set back or failure, remain calm in the face of failure, rejection or criticism and be more productive and successful.

The good news is that self compassion is learnable. The first step is recognising how to respond to setbacks and failures using the three elements of self compassion as identified by researcher Kristin Neff.

1. Self-kindness: Being kind and understanding with ourselves rather than harshly critical.
2. Common humanity: Understanding that we are not alone in making mistakes, feeling inadequate and experiencing failure. These are all part of being human and, therefore, part of everyday life.
3. Mindfulness:  Being mindful of our emotions and feelings without over-identifying them so we feel them and move through them rather than being stuck in them.

The Unseen Benefits

Embracing both empathy and self-compassion brings profound benefits. It steers us toward healthier relationships as we approach interactions with more profound understanding and less judgment. It fosters resilience, empowering us to navigate life's challenges with grace and courage. Additionally, practising self-compassion leads to higher emotional intelligence and a happier, less stressful life.

Pathways to Practice

Here's how you can start integrating empathy and self-compassion into your daily life:

1. Listen Actively: Give your full attention in conversations. Try to understand the emotions behind the words without offering solutions or judgments.
2. Self-Kindness: The next time you face a setback, speak to yourself like you would to a friend in the same situation. What words of encouragement or comfort would you offer them? Consider writing a letter to yourself from the perspective of a compassionate friend.
3. Common Humanity Exercise: Whenever you feel isolated in your suffering, remind yourself that you are not alone.
4. Mindfulness in Moments: Practice recognizing your feelings without getting overwhelmed by them. Acknowledge your emotions, allow them to be present, and remember that they do not define you.

Taking the First Step

Starting on this path can be as simple as setting an intention. Each morning, take a few moments to remind yourself of your commitment to practice empathy and self-compassion. Awareness is the first step towards change.

Start with empathy. Try to understand and share the feelings of others. It not only fosters stronger relationships but also improves team dynamics.

Next, embrace self-compassion. Be kind and understanding to yourself, especially in times of pain or failure.

When we practice self-compassion, we're gentler on ourselves and able to bounce back from setbacks faster. So, are you ready to embrace these superpowers and elevate your wellbeing and performance?

Also, remember that you don't have to do this alone. Tap into LifeStar support with one-on-one and group coaching options with me. The LifeStar Reset Challenge includes empathy and self-compassion learning and practices. The next LifeStar reset with live group coaching starts on 1 May. Let's make your life better together. Click here to find out if you are ready for a reset.

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